Our story
Like many middle-aged, professional, married couples outwardly we appeared to the world by all accounts to be succeeding in life. We live in the vibrant city of Brighton & Hove on the English south coast surrounded by the rolling hills of the South Downs in a house that we’ve entirely renovated to meet the needs of our small-but-perfectly-formed family of 3.
Kirsty a senior clinical dietitian had done her stint commuting up to the big smoke and returned to support the local hospital dietetics team. Andy, an aviation consultant was rarely based in the UK with projects taking him to the Middle East, USA and Europe often for weeks at a time. Although well-compensated financially, the lack of family time led to compensatory behaviours such as exotic foreign holidays, busy weekends with regular meals out to celebrate Daddy being home and additional gifts or treats for our daughter along the way.
Both of us are a product of the British stiff-upper-lip culture, the ‘keep calm and carry on’ and ‘drown your sorrows’ narrative ringing loudly in our ears for decades until we ran out of road. This approach to life saw us personally survive through fertility issues and two neonatal deaths in our 30’s but inevitably led to us developing some unhealthy coping strategies including excess alcohol. Then the pandemic hit and the whole world tilted on its axis.
After the third lockdown period STRESS, ANXIETY and DEPRESSION weren’t diagnoses we felt at the time to resonate with us, after all, nobody really wants to attach any of those labels to themselves or admit that they are feeling overwhelmed with life, particularly as everything, quite frankly, seemed pretty bleak at the time! Despite having a close relationship built on strong communication, the impact of Covid-19 on aviation and the uncertainty it placed on that industry as a whole affected Andy’s wellbeing enormously. This worry was exacerbated by the pressures Kirsty faced working on the frontline in the NHS and the additional concern over bringing the virus home. Before we knew it, tempers became brittle, and we were all walking on eggshells. It was time to seek professional advice and begin our respective healing journeys.
Fast forward a few years and both of us are now feeling incredibly grateful for this watershed moment. We absolutely needed to hit rock bottom for us to get off the hamster wheel and take a step back to gain perspective on what experiences, beliefs or interpretations of events had exactly triggered our mental illness given that we already had already survived a great deal of collective trauma in our history that hadn’t resulted in medication and counselling. Had we just reached our threshold of tolerance?
In addition to the ‘sticky plaster’ solution that is antidepressant medication, we both had several months of weekly Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) exploring not only our personal situations but our core belief systems and values. These exercises alongside daily mindfulness practice and adopting the principles of a neuroscience-backed positive intelligence program have enabled both of us to stop using antidepressants, significantly reduce our daily levels of stress and anxiety and reimagine a simpler future where success is much more aligned with quality personal and family time.